The Strength Realisation

Strength.

It means different things depending on who you speak to. Some measure strength by lifting weights, others by how hard wearing a material/product is and some view strength to be a mental state of mind.
I've never thought much about strength. I enjoy watching World's Strongest Man every Christmas/New Year time and think "Wow, they're crazy strong!" That's about the most I think about strength.

Recently, it has dawned on me that, I in fact am a strong creature.

It has all come after being seriously unwell (again). It began almost 3 weeks ago, when I started coming down with what I thought was a normal cold. I started out sniffly which then progressed into losing my voice and a cough. It was then during my usual commute home from work, that I began to feel really unwell. I got home and could barely move. I felt dreadful. I was convinced that I had flu as I've previously had it and all the symptoms felt exactly the same.
The next day was the same, voice barely even a whisper, coughing, sneezing, aching body, no appetite. Now, being Diabetic I know that I have to look after my blood sugar levels especially when I'm ill as my sugar levels go crazy. I was keeping a close eye and whilst they were high, they weren't crazy high and there were no ketones.

A brief introduction to ketones: Ketones are bad. Very bad. You do not want ketones. The closest you can be to 0.0 ketones in your blood the better. A level of 3.0+ ketones is an A&E hospital visit. Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) can happen if you have high levels of ketones in your body, which can be fatal. DKA is an emergency situation.

I wake up, the 4 day of feeling unwell. Now, I've had Diabetes for a long time, therefore I'm pretty good at knowing when I'm 'Diabetic ill'. I was both ill and Diabetic ill. I tested my blood sugars which were 21. Not ideal, very bad. Time to test my ketones. Remember how anything over 3.0 is a trip to A&E? Mine were 5.7. Now that, is VERY bad.

As you can imagine, I ended up in hospital. I was tested for flu whilst in A&E. Negative. Even the nurses and doctors were stunned, they thought I had flu. After some blood tests they found I had an infection. I had cannulas and drips galore. Nothing I haven't done before.

Now, the events of this hospital trip were a little different to previous ones I've endured. Cannulas don't phase me. Hospitals as a general rule don't scare me. I've spent enough time in them to not be scared of them. However, this time around they were trying to perform blood tests, with no avail. I unfortunately have inherited my mum's deep veins, which when dehydrated are near impossible to find. This was proving the case. I had cannulas in both elbows so, my arms weren't an option. Both nurses and doctors were trying their best to find veins in my wrists and hands. Nope. Didn't happen. So the next option was my feet.
Many years ago another time in which I was ill due to my Diabetes, I had a cannula put in my foot. That experience was horrendous. Before successfully putting the cannula in, the nurses had tried with a needle that was far too large for my tiny feet, which resulted in me screaming in agony, followed by throwing up on the nurse who was pinning me to the bed and telling me to "Stop being a drama queen" whilst they continued to try and fail to shove the needle into my foot. They then gave up and confessed "the needle is too big, we need a smaller one." That pain is like no other I have yet to experience in my life. It's also the only time I've actually screamed in pain. I usually keep very quiet during painful experiences.
So, back to the present and I started to freak out. I agreed for the lovely doctor to try getting blood from my feet purely because I was so ill. I know they only use your feet as a last resort. Whilst she was trying to find a vein, I was staring straight up at the ceiling and weeping. I was instantly transported back to the dreadful experience and the pain that I had to endure. In actual fact, the present day was not that painful. Unfortunately, for me my feet were not playing along either.

I lay on the bed weeping. The pure fear of the situation was too much for me to deal with. The doctor was apologising and I explained why I was crying. "Oh you should've told me before! I wouldn't have done it!"
"Sometimes you have to do things you don't like, especially if it's for my own good" I replied.
The doctor left. I was still crying and Ash was sat by my side comforting me. The doctor returned with a very serious look upon her face. "Louise, we have no other option and this is the very last resort. We need to take blood from your artery."
To begin with I was very calm, that was a perfectly reasonable request. It was only when the doctor knelt down next to me, took my wrist into her hands and said in a serious tone, "Whatever you do, do not move a muscle" that I realised what was happening. She had warned me it was going to hurt and not be pleasant. Yet I hadn't expected it.
The pain wasn't the worst I've ever had, yet it wasn't a walk in the park. It did bloody hurt. I mean it really hurt. The worst part was afterwards. My body was shaking. I felt weird all over my body. The tears started once again. Never had I had to endure so much in one day. I had phoned 111 at 8am and at 8pm I was having blood taken from my artery after hours of failing to find my veins for a simple blood test.

As silly as it may sound, I was mentally beating myself up for crying whilst in hospital for a good 2 or 3 days after the event. I very rarely cry when in hospital. I'm used to them and I'm used to what usually happens. It took me a few days to realise that actually I am strong. I can put up with so much and not utter a word. Throughout all those painful events, I never uttered a word or sound. I don't think many people could say that.

Upon reflection of many events that have happened in my life, I have had no choice but to be strong.  I'm 25 years old and been through more than some will their whole life. It is also because of this reflection and realisation that I've decided to try and make the most of everyday. I've got to try and enjoy life and enjoy good health when I have it. I've recently started using an insulin pump (ooooh exciting) which will hopefully help, especially when I'm ill (which happens far more often than I would like). I am unfortunately one of those poor souls who seems to pick up every bug that goes around!

Strength, something that physically may be lacking but mentally is cemented in place. I am in fact a strong little Lemon 💪🏻

Keep smiling!

Lemon