Just a small town lemon
So my first ever post! Rather exciting really isn't it? So, who is going to read this? Probably nobody but, if there is someone reading this, hello there!
So I'm Lemon, although really I'm Louise. I'm 23 years old and just about to finish uni. Yeah, I'm a couple of years older than the rest of my peers but, I did 2 years of sixth form and then 2 years of college so, that explains that. I suppose I should give you a brief run down of how I got here...
It's funny really, thinking back to how difficult I once found GCSEs, which in reality were a walk in the park! I used to get really stressed out, to the point I used to get really ill. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that really, there was nothing to worry about. I passed everything and got good grades, fairly average grades but, they were still good. I mean, who really asks for GCSEs now anyway? A Levels, now they were tough, like I struggled so much for those 2 years of sixth form. And again, what happened come exam season? Yep, I made myself ill by panicking and stressing myself out. It was at this time the majority of my friends (all of which are smarty pants) decided they were going to go to uni. A few, decided to stay at home and get full time jobs. Now, I didn't want to go to uni, was completely and utterly against it. Why would I want to move away from home and put myself through 3 more years of hell?! Nope, no thanks, not for me. But a full time job? I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Did I want to end up working full time in a shop? I was already working part time at WHSmiths in town and that was more than enough for me, never mind full time. What options did I really have? Not many, and I couldn't bare the thought of being stuck in a dead end job and having to deal with the general public 9-5, 5 or more days a week. So, what's a girl to do with no idea what to do with her life?
College seemed to be the answer, now this bought new challenges. Instead of exams I just had pure coursework, which yeah was still fairly demanding but, it was all manageable.
It was whilst at college that I finally decided what to do with my life. Kinda. The girl who had always said no to university, was now saying "Mum, Dad, I want to attend open days and learn more. I want to go to uni." Bit of a shock to them tbf. It felt AMAZING to finally have an idea of where my life was going! I wanted to continue learning more about media production. I wanted to create things and feel a rush of pride when I got to show off my creations to my family.
This new determination was a great motivation for me to work my butt off. But, when working so hard to achieve your goals, you get walls that block your way. For me, these walls were my friends at college, whom all weren't that bothered about doing the work. Sure, it's easy to pass college and extremely difficult to fail. But, I didn't just want to pass. I wanted to succeed and do the best I could. This is where the trouble started. My new challenges that I faced. My former friends. After refusing to carry them and do their work for them, they turned against me. It started off verbally, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" yeah, biggest load of bs I've ever heard.
At the time, the verbal bullying was awful. Little did I know it would get to the point that I would be scared to go into college, be constantly checking the clock to see if it was finally time to go home, checking twitter and other social media to see what things were being said about myself once I was finally home. Yeah, it was a barrel of laughs. Eventually, it got to the point I couldn't take anymore. I was having panic attacks and I struggled to sleep at night and was constantly in fear. So, I did what you're supposed to do. I reported them. Had evidence and everything of what they had been saying, including the threats. What happened? Oh yeah, nothing. Because the tutor liked them. Yep, they were kept in college because the tutor favoured them and because and I quote "It would be a shame to kick them out now, especially as there's only a few months left to go". They then had the nerve to say that if "it was effecting me so badly, perhaps you should see a councillor about it". Which I did, because I left to the point that I knew if I didn't get help, I would end up in a bad way. Yes the councillor helped me out but, a college shouldn't resort to that instead of dealing with the actual problem! But, no, of course I WAS THE PROBLEM. Makes sense right?
The day I left that college with a DDM (Distinction, Distinction, Merit) was one of the happiest of my life. Not just because I would never have to see those horrible bullies again or be in that god awful college a second longer, but also because I had the exact qualifications I needed to get into my first choice uni, University of Lincoln.
Now the sad thing is, is that college wasn't my first experience of bullying. I've been bullied throughout my life at different stages. And it doesn't matter how old you are or where you are, nothing is ever done about it. Schools and workplaces say they take it seriously. They don't. They just sweep it under the rug and pretend the issue isn't there. You read articles written by angry parents about how their child's school won't do anything, even if there's physical violence. It's disgusting but, there's really not much you can do about it. Although looking back, I wish I had reported the college. But, that's hind-site for you, I suppose.
So uni. Well, reader, if there even is a reader there, if you've been to uni or at uni yourself right now, you know that it is one massive, ridiculous rollercoaster. So much alcohol you pass out. Nights out you don't remember. Nights out you wish you couldn't remember because of how awful they were. How you make a huge tit of yourself on more occasions than you wish to remember. The friends you make whilst at uni and the silly things you get up to. The inevitable heartbreaks you go through too, even if you don't think it'll happen, something will happen to break your heart and leave you an emotional wreck for a few days. All the drama that either happens to yourself or your bestie. Sexual antics (no more needs to be said there). Uni is equally the best and worst time of your life. The highs are massively high and the best moments. The lows, such as all the stress of leaving your work a tad too late (which I sooooo haven't done like every semester...) are the worst and you seriously start doubting everything about yourself. But, despite all the highs and lows of uni, I do honestly think it's done me the world of good. I've become an independent person, fending for myself and learning how to survive as an adult. Kinda. Even if I do make a fair few mistakes and am extremely broke. It's a massive learning curve and without it, I don't think I would have a clue.
I'm actually grateful for my younger self not knowing what to do with her life. At the time I kinda felt like a failure, my cousins knew what they wanted to do and how to get there. I was just a blank canvas. But, if I had gone to uni when I was 18, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I wouldn't have had that fire that I had when I was at college. And whilst I was at college I had other opportunities that wouldn't have happened if I had gone straight to uni. When I was 19, I was given the role of Sunday Supervisor at WHSmiths, giving me huge responsibilities and giving me a chance to bulk out my CV just that tiny bit more. Everything that happened in them younger years has taught me so much. Even though college was an extremely rough time, it taught me to stand up for myself, to be a bit tougher. Although I'm not someone who likes confrontation, I am now more willing to stand up for myself and what I believe in and won't be pushed around too easily.
Everything happens for a reason, and although not all experiences are good or happy, they can still teach us a lot about who we are as people and how to grow individually.
There is always a new day and a new sunrise and sunset. There will be something to make you smile, you might just have to wait an extra day to see it.
It's funny really, thinking back to how difficult I once found GCSEs, which in reality were a walk in the park! I used to get really stressed out, to the point I used to get really ill. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that really, there was nothing to worry about. I passed everything and got good grades, fairly average grades but, they were still good. I mean, who really asks for GCSEs now anyway? A Levels, now they were tough, like I struggled so much for those 2 years of sixth form. And again, what happened come exam season? Yep, I made myself ill by panicking and stressing myself out. It was at this time the majority of my friends (all of which are smarty pants) decided they were going to go to uni. A few, decided to stay at home and get full time jobs. Now, I didn't want to go to uni, was completely and utterly against it. Why would I want to move away from home and put myself through 3 more years of hell?! Nope, no thanks, not for me. But a full time job? I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Did I want to end up working full time in a shop? I was already working part time at WHSmiths in town and that was more than enough for me, never mind full time. What options did I really have? Not many, and I couldn't bare the thought of being stuck in a dead end job and having to deal with the general public 9-5, 5 or more days a week. So, what's a girl to do with no idea what to do with her life?
College seemed to be the answer, now this bought new challenges. Instead of exams I just had pure coursework, which yeah was still fairly demanding but, it was all manageable.
It was whilst at college that I finally decided what to do with my life. Kinda. The girl who had always said no to university, was now saying "Mum, Dad, I want to attend open days and learn more. I want to go to uni." Bit of a shock to them tbf. It felt AMAZING to finally have an idea of where my life was going! I wanted to continue learning more about media production. I wanted to create things and feel a rush of pride when I got to show off my creations to my family.
This new determination was a great motivation for me to work my butt off. But, when working so hard to achieve your goals, you get walls that block your way. For me, these walls were my friends at college, whom all weren't that bothered about doing the work. Sure, it's easy to pass college and extremely difficult to fail. But, I didn't just want to pass. I wanted to succeed and do the best I could. This is where the trouble started. My new challenges that I faced. My former friends. After refusing to carry them and do their work for them, they turned against me. It started off verbally, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" yeah, biggest load of bs I've ever heard.
At the time, the verbal bullying was awful. Little did I know it would get to the point that I would be scared to go into college, be constantly checking the clock to see if it was finally time to go home, checking twitter and other social media to see what things were being said about myself once I was finally home. Yeah, it was a barrel of laughs. Eventually, it got to the point I couldn't take anymore. I was having panic attacks and I struggled to sleep at night and was constantly in fear. So, I did what you're supposed to do. I reported them. Had evidence and everything of what they had been saying, including the threats. What happened? Oh yeah, nothing. Because the tutor liked them. Yep, they were kept in college because the tutor favoured them and because and I quote "It would be a shame to kick them out now, especially as there's only a few months left to go". They then had the nerve to say that if "it was effecting me so badly, perhaps you should see a councillor about it". Which I did, because I left to the point that I knew if I didn't get help, I would end up in a bad way. Yes the councillor helped me out but, a college shouldn't resort to that instead of dealing with the actual problem! But, no, of course I WAS THE PROBLEM. Makes sense right?
The day I left that college with a DDM (Distinction, Distinction, Merit) was one of the happiest of my life. Not just because I would never have to see those horrible bullies again or be in that god awful college a second longer, but also because I had the exact qualifications I needed to get into my first choice uni, University of Lincoln.
Now the sad thing is, is that college wasn't my first experience of bullying. I've been bullied throughout my life at different stages. And it doesn't matter how old you are or where you are, nothing is ever done about it. Schools and workplaces say they take it seriously. They don't. They just sweep it under the rug and pretend the issue isn't there. You read articles written by angry parents about how their child's school won't do anything, even if there's physical violence. It's disgusting but, there's really not much you can do about it. Although looking back, I wish I had reported the college. But, that's hind-site for you, I suppose.
So uni. Well, reader, if there even is a reader there, if you've been to uni or at uni yourself right now, you know that it is one massive, ridiculous rollercoaster. So much alcohol you pass out. Nights out you don't remember. Nights out you wish you couldn't remember because of how awful they were. How you make a huge tit of yourself on more occasions than you wish to remember. The friends you make whilst at uni and the silly things you get up to. The inevitable heartbreaks you go through too, even if you don't think it'll happen, something will happen to break your heart and leave you an emotional wreck for a few days. All the drama that either happens to yourself or your bestie. Sexual antics (no more needs to be said there). Uni is equally the best and worst time of your life. The highs are massively high and the best moments. The lows, such as all the stress of leaving your work a tad too late (which I sooooo haven't done like every semester...) are the worst and you seriously start doubting everything about yourself. But, despite all the highs and lows of uni, I do honestly think it's done me the world of good. I've become an independent person, fending for myself and learning how to survive as an adult. Kinda. Even if I do make a fair few mistakes and am extremely broke. It's a massive learning curve and without it, I don't think I would have a clue.
I'm actually grateful for my younger self not knowing what to do with her life. At the time I kinda felt like a failure, my cousins knew what they wanted to do and how to get there. I was just a blank canvas. But, if I had gone to uni when I was 18, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I wouldn't have had that fire that I had when I was at college. And whilst I was at college I had other opportunities that wouldn't have happened if I had gone straight to uni. When I was 19, I was given the role of Sunday Supervisor at WHSmiths, giving me huge responsibilities and giving me a chance to bulk out my CV just that tiny bit more. Everything that happened in them younger years has taught me so much. Even though college was an extremely rough time, it taught me to stand up for myself, to be a bit tougher. Although I'm not someone who likes confrontation, I am now more willing to stand up for myself and what I believe in and won't be pushed around too easily.
Everything happens for a reason, and although not all experiences are good or happy, they can still teach us a lot about who we are as people and how to grow individually.
There is always a new day and a new sunrise and sunset. There will be something to make you smile, you might just have to wait an extra day to see it.
Lemon
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